The Meet and Greet

First of all, my apologies!! I had no idea I'd be this busy. Today is my first "chill" day so I'm going to try to upload some pictures and write about my first day in Bukavu. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a lot more spare time on my hands now, so I hope to fill you all in on what's been happening.

On Thanksgiving morning, I woke up in Kigali after just one hour of sleep. Kevin (another OFA adoptive dad who I've been traveling with since Amsterdam) and I headed back to the Kigali airport and took a quick flight to Kamembe, which is a town on the border of Rwanda and Congo. It was an absolutely gorgeous flight. There were little homesteads scattered equally over the green, lush hills that spanned the distance between Kigali and Kamembe. I could see people down on the red, dirt roads - in groups, walking, working. Every house had a garden and saw a few people out hoeing in their gardens, and one woman sweeping the path with a homemade broom.

After the 30 minute flight, we landed in Kamembe. The "airport" was just a little tiny building - we didn't even go inside. Just walked from the plane, through a fence, grabbed our bags out of the back of a pick-up truck and grabbed a taxi. The ride to the border was actually pretty fun. It was beautiful scenery, and we drove crazily around potholes and people and cars. I was in the back, smashed up against our mountain of luggage. I remember I just felt very alive at that moment. We saw women walking from Congo carrying large empty containers on their heads. They cross the border in the morning to buy goods in Rwanda. They then take it back to sell in Congo.

After just 10 minutes of driving, we arrived at the border, where we were met by Mike (our twins' foster dad). He helped us go through customs. It would have been a pretty intimidating process, I imagine, had he not been there. But for us, it was really quite simple. We piled in the jeep and drove through the town of Bukavu - just 5 or 10 more minutes and we were at the house! Time to meet the kids!!

These first two pictures are of me meeting the twins - that's Noah in the picture. You can't see Lauren, but she is right beside him. Noah went to me right away, while Lauren was a little hesitant.

The next two pictures are of us in the twins' room, where I also stayed while I was in Bukavu. This is about 15 minutes after I arrived, I think. Lauren had a hard time warming up to me, but a few days later, she actually fell asleep on me at the dinner table. So sweet. This is right before she drifted off.

I hope to write more very soon, but the kids are up and I am trying to finish up between bites. I'm not editing and polishing, so apologies (again) for a choppy post. Crossing my fingers that it sends!

I Am the Girl.

I am the girl who checks the ingredients, soaks the grains, makes extra trips to buy the raw goat’s milk, and eats fermented cabbage.

I am the girl who doesn’t plan dinner, has pizza delivered, asks her husband to get ice cream, and eats pizza for breakfast the next day.

I am the girl who makes her dishwasher detergent, compares homemade deodorant recipes, mops with vinegar, and fills the recycle bin quicker than the garbage can.

I am the girl who throws away vegetable scraps, doesn’t recycle the messiest containers, prefers paper towels to rags, and can’t imagine using cloth diapers when the twins come home.

I am the girl who is the good mom.

I am the girl who is the bad mom.

I am the girl who loves, listens, encourages, gives generously, is patient, and is thoughtful.

I am the girl who whines, criticizes, is stingy (especially with food), wants too much alone time, and is irritable.

I am the girl who freaks out, clings needily, frets and strives but doesn’t accomplish, spins her thoughts round and round her head, and can’t understand why she’s being unpleasant.

I am the girl who finally prays and hears God say, “Peace.”

I am the girl who knows she’s imperfect, yet perfectly loved, and that she’s in progress, but getting there.

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Some Truths about Whom I've Been

[Before I write anything, I'll confess that I had to google "who vs. whom" for my title. Grammar geeks, please let me know if I got it wrong!]

I have a few disclaimers to start with: 1) this post is not about adoption, and 2) I have a feeling it's going to be long. Feel free to skip over my processing if you're just here for news about the babies. My feelings will not be hurt.

I really never meant for this blog to be technically "an adoption blog". Of course, I had no idea we'd be adopting internationally until a month after I began this blog. As I was contemplating the end of another year this past December, I really felt God telling me that this year would bring about new things in my life. Adopting twins from DRC definitely feels like the biggest "new" thing thus far, however, I have noticed many other changes, as well. I kind of feel like I'm coming back to life and finding my passions and purpose after more than a decade of feeling, well ... dead, in a lot of areas. But before I get to the fun stuff, a necessary jaunt to the past is in order...

During the summer of 1999, about half a year before Zach and I were married, I was working my 3rd summer at a Christian day camp outside of Newberg. As the summer went along, I began to feel more and more tired, and like I just didn't want to do anything anymore. It was frustrating, and I thought that maybe I just had some character flaw in me - laziness, lack of motivation, etc. Whatever it was, I ended up staying at home a lot that summer and not joining in most of the activities I'd loved the previous 2 summers at the camp. I came to find out in September that I had mono, which explained a lot. I had no idea the spiral that it would send me down, though, and that I'd feel the effects of that even today - 11 years later.

I became extremely tired the next year, and Zach got to practice the "in sickness" part of our vows from the get go. A typical day that first year would look like this: I would get up late in the morning, he'd be gone to work, I'd lay on the couch and watch t.v. or read, be proud of myself if I got even an hour's worth of work done that day, maybe make dinner. Zach would come home and eat, do the dishes, hang with me on the couch because I wasn't up for doing anything, and then carry me to bed at the end of the day when I was too tired to do anything at all. And repeat, repeat, repeat. I spent a lot of money and time the next several years, trying to feel well again. And I got more and more sick. I ended up with labels like multiple chemical sensitivities, adrenal fatigue, vitamin B deficiency, magnesium deficiency, and probably a few more that I've put out of my memory.

After several years, I was scared, very tired, and had a whole lot of weird symptoms that included feeling weak on the right side of my body, numbness and tingling in my arms and face that would happen at random times and whenever I'd ride in a car for more than 5 - 10 minutes, panic attacks, skipped heart beats, insomnia that would cause me to wake up gasping for air right as I was falling asleep and would keep me awake until 3 or 4 in the morning sometimes. Again, there are many more, but I really don't want to drag them out of the recesses of my mind. I started to be afraid of everything including food (is something in it going to make me feel sick?), the air (what chemicals are floating around that may cause symptoms?), and personal hygiene products, for the same reason. I was a mess. My apologies to many of my friends during that time. I know I checked out.

Of course, I prayed about all of this a lot, but I never got any lasting relief from my fears and symptoms. Finally, in desperation when I was about 6 months pregnant, I started begging God to change something in me. I knew I wouldn't be able to fake my way through parenthood like I was trying to in many of my friendships, and I did not want to pass any of this onto my child. One morning, sobbing in the shower, praying over my unborn child and calling out for rescue, I felt God speaking to me, and telling me she would have peace.

I'd like to say that a lot changed right after that moment, but it didn't. It's been a slow process, like a glacier carving out the side of a mountain. There were certainly big moments when God showed me something new, whether through time spent with Him or through other people, or when He did free me from something too big for me to overcome. But mostly it's been a lot of hard work - choosing to obey when it felt like I couldn't, choosing to believe what I felt Him telling me rather than what my body was telling me, choosing to acknowledge that all of the fear in my life was sin - plain and simple, choosing to submit myself to Him over and over again. And in the past 5 years, I have become a new (though still in-progress) person. Sometimes I still have to fight hard against the identity of "sick Heather" that I've thought of myself for so many years. Many times, I still have to confess when I dwell on fearful thoughts, and some days I still struggle with lack of energy (or the bad habits that being sick for so long created). However, all of my hard work would be nothing if God did not take my often meager efforts, and make them into something more than I'm capable of. I know for a fact that there is nothing good in me without His presence in my life. I am quite honestly pathetic and useless without His mercy. I have seen it.

So back to the present. If you've stuck with me this far, well, thank you. As I said at the beginning of this post, I have had a lot of new things awakening in me this past year - things that I have started or am making plans for. I am excited. I'd like to write more about each one, but I fear I have written more than necessary already today. Be on the lookout soon for a post about my next adventure: homeschooling. Even after all the planning I've done, and so much reading and talking about the subject, I am still in a bit of disbelief that I'm actually doing this. It's so funny how we can think, "Never in a million years..."

Just a Quick Note ...

... to say that Lauren took her first steps yesterday. Amazing that 6 months ago she could barely hold her head up. So very proud, and wishing I could be there to cheer her on.

Glad I Didn't Make A Paper Chain...

So, our 30-day appeal window has not started yet. We've heard that we received a favorable judgement, but until the paperwork is actually filed, we don't start the countdown. I'm also still a little weary to think of them as "ours" until someone actually sees that the paperwork does exist! It is getting harder and harder to wait. For awhile I had been pretty content to wait and bide my time, but I am now really feeling like they need to be home. It is just time. More than just a desire to have them with me, I have a gut feeling that they need to come home now.

Unfortunately, there is still so much that has to happen first. And lately those things have not been happening in a timely manner. Of course, nothing about this process has happened along the time frame that I thought it would. Some things (like starting the process with OFA and getting our referral) have been extremely fast. Everything else (getting the homestudy started and then finished, FINGERPRINTS!!, and getting a judgement) have taken far longer.

I've started praying this way: God, you are so big. You move mountains and seas, bring the dead back to life, harden and soften hearts at will. You give life and take it away. Please move mountains and bring our babies home. If you say "no" out of your wisdom, then let it be. However, if there is any other reason keeping them from coming soon, then be mighty in this situation, and clear the way for them to come home.

We will hopefully hear about our judgment tomorrow. In the meantime, I am getting things ready at home that doesn't involve purchasing things. Today, with Megan's help, I cleared her room of little kid stuff and shoved it all into the room for them that I still need to finish painting. It is an organized mess in there, and for some reason, I am stuck and can't seem to finish the project. The room needs painted regardless. But I just can't seem to go in there and actually do it. I don't believe in jinxing (how the heck do you spell that word??) or anything superstitious, but I feel like I just don't get to prepare for them yet. Like I'm jumping the gun, I guess. Some days it's just hard to believe that they'll ever be home. But I see them every time we sit down at the table to eat dinner, and every time we are driving to church. I miss them when we're doing fun family activities (going to the fair, the lake, or any kind of celebration), and even when we're not doing much at all. Megan cried today, asking me why they weren't home yet. I just told her to pray. They are definitely a part of our family, and have found a place very deep inside our hearts.

Fingerprints & other details...

Just a quick update (two posts in one day - wow!!) to say that I finally got a letter from USCIS today regarding my fingerprints. They failed again. Stinks. So now I need to get my prints taken here, and send those off to Oregon State Police. It should take about 2 weeks once I send them in, for me to get the clearance letter I need from them. (Thankfully I've only lived in one city for the last 5 years, so I only need to deal with one office!) Then I send that letter back to USCIS so that they can process our application. This is really becoming frustrating!

We also were able to talk to our adoption lawyer this evening and found out that the process in Congo is currently taking longer (as we had heard). From everything I heard today, I don't really expect us to be able to go get the babies before the end of October at the earliest. Please keep praying for the process to go smoothly and as quickly as is possible. Pray for our foster family, too, as good things are going on for them, but our babies add a lot to the mix! And speaking of our foster family, let me just say again how GREAT they are, and how blessed we are to have them!!

In addition to a longer time frame, we also found out that there are a lot of new costs with the new way things are being processed in Congo. And more time means more foster care money, as well. We are trying to trust God with all of this, and remember that He will help us to complete what He has called us to do. It really is amazing how much peace comes from simply knowing that we are acting within the will of God. The good thing that we learned from our phone conversation today is that when we finally do get to go get the babies, we should only be there for a matter of days. A lot of the footwork that parents in the past have done, will now be done through a representative. Being there for a shorter time really helps with my peace of mind about both of us travelling (which I really feel is necessary with two new-to-us toddlers flying halfway around the world!!) and leaving Megan behind. So I guess there's the silver lining in the increase in waiting time and expenses. It helps to find one. =)

Judgement Day!!

Yay!! We've just received word that we got our judgement today for our babies. After a 3o day appeal window, they will be legally ours!! I can't even describe how happy and excited I feel. I think this news makes me finally feel legit - like I can start planning for them and thinking of them as "ours". Maybe it's a little like getting past that 1st trimester when you're pregnant? I know with Megan I didn't really want to plan much until getting past those 3 unstable months.

So now, during this appeal window, our lawyer in Congo will be working on getting the documents we need for them to come home. Also, on the US front, I still haven't heard any news about my second set of fingerprints. I'm hoping this is good news, since when I failed last time I had a failure notice and new appointment letter within 2 weeks. Zach's additional documentation that was required was due yesterday, so hopefully all of that is being processed now and we can get things moving again!

Noah and Lauren are still doing really, really well. =) They have both more than doubled their weight from when they first entered foster care - I think they are at 23 & 24 pounds, now. They continue to make great progress in catching up to where they should be developmentally. I've been told that Noah is pushing out a whole bunch of teeth right now - poor guy! And they are both getting close to walking, especially Lauren. It has been so much fun to Skype with them and see all the progress that they are making. They are both saying a few words (including mama and daddy which is just the BEST!) and again I think of how blessed we are that they are in an English speaking home. I know it will help with their transition immensely.

So, it's a good day for us!