Update

Whew! I've had to blow off some virtual dust from my blog here. It's been awhile! I have a hard time knowing how to write in order to keep you all updated, but still to stay within the privacy confines that I've been asked to abide by. Trying to figure out what's okay to write and what's not is confusing for me, and I end up writing nothing at all. I will do my best to keep you updated, though, and if you have questions, email and I will speak more freely.

First of all, thank you for your prayers. I know so many people have been praying for this process and it really does mean the world to us. We are not anywhere near where I thought we'd be in this process by now. I've had trouble with USCIS not being able to get my fingerprints - apparently about 3% of the population has lousy fingerprints, and I'm one of them. So after my first attempt and failure, I received another appointment for a whole month later to try to take them again. I had that appointment on June 30th and I'm pretty sure they're going to fail again. The prints are taken digitally and as they are taken, it pops up "fail" or "pass". Three of my fingers failed this time. Stink. So assuming they fail again, I will need to do it the old-fashioned way - here in Deschutes County at the Sheriff's Office with regular old ink. More money, more time. But hey - these are my labor pains. =) Why they make me drive to Portland twice for something that I can do here in Bend does not make any sense to me, but that's government for you! There was also a bit of information missing from Zach's home study, and so we are having to do another paper chase for him. At least we are delayed together. Pray that we will be able to get that completed quickly. USCIS gives him until July 25th to send the additional paperwork in, or they will deny his application. Getting paperwork requires other people doing the work in a timely manner, and I've had a lot of stress about this particular part of our process. I just don't like being out of control, I guess. =)

On the Congo side of things, I am not able to write as much about (feel free to email or ask in person, though), but we are still very much waiting, waiting, waiting. Pray that the documents we need will be able to get from Place A to Place B. This is the hang-up right now. What should have taken around 2 weeks is past the 2 month mark now. It is frustrating, but I am still at peace and don't have any reason to think that this is anything more than a delay. I am really trying to trust God's timing. I've really felt Him at work in my life, preparing me to be the mama these babies will need. I am praying that nothing gets in the way of His will for these babies and for our family.

The happier news is that they are both THRIVING in their foster home. Again and again, I am just so very thankful for the two families who've taken them in while we work to get over there. They are at their second foster home now, as planned, and they are growing and making such good gains. All healthy babies grow quickly, but these two seem to get a month older each week. Since moving to foster care at the end of March, they have almost doubled their weight, and are getting close to being able to walk on their own! Of course this makes me so happy, as it's exactly what they should be doing, but it is so hard to not be there for all of it. I don't feel like I can complain too much, though, because we get to Skype with out babies regularly!! I can hardly believe this blessing, and it has been so helpful as we've been matched with them for over 4 months, now. And we still have at least a few months to go, it would seem. =( As far as a real guess about when we'll be able to go get them, I'm not really trying to figure it out anymore. Partly because it's easier to just let the days kind of mesh together without a certain time I'm looking to, and mostly because I really don't have a clue! But back to Skyping with the babies - the last couple of times I have talked with them, Noah has been pointing at me and saying "Mama". I LOVE this. Can't even really describe it. Of course, I'd like it to be technically and legally true, and sometimes I have a hard time thinking of myself as their mama yet, but oh, I do love them like a mama loves her babies. I long for them so much, but I am just trusting in the fact that no matter what happens, God has called our family to these two. Knowing what the end result would be from all of this, He designed for us to be matched with these two babies. I really have no doubt about that. There have been too many "coincidences" that led us to this place for me to think anything else. And even beyond that, there's a peace in my heart that comes only from being certain that I am on the right path in this regard. So I rest and wait and sometimes cry from frustration and the longing for them to be home. And I pray, pray, pray.

Going Private and Being "All In"

As you all are aware, I've had to make my blog private. It is something that was recommended to all of us in a Congo Adoption Yahoo Group. To put it mildly, there is a lot of corruption within the Congolese government, and the less information they are able to get from my blog, the better it is for everyone. Having to be careful with information about my life is not something that comes naturally to me, but then, I've never been in the place where sharing information could jeopardize attempts to do good. I guess the good thing about going private is that I feel a lot more freedom to share.

So here's what's been going on since I last updated. The babies are really doing great in their foster home - getting stronger and fatter each day! I get pictures and am able to hear how they are doing every week. I keep feeling amazed and so grateful that I am able to receive so much information about them during this time. It is not the norm for an international adoption, for sure. Our dossier, which is the packet of information required by Congo, has been filed and we are officially an adoptive family in process! If that goes smoothly, the kiddos could be legally ours in around 2 months! However, plenty has to happen on the U.S. side of things before we go get them. And, honestly, a lot can happen there, even after they become ours, that can delay things quite a bit. Please keep praying. Congo is a very unstable and risky place to adopt from, and adoption "miscarriages" can definitely happen.

This brings me to the "all in" part of my post. Zach and I made a decision, from the beginning of our referral, to love these babies. Many well-meaning and loving people have cautioned me to not fall too hard for them, and I get it. However, we feel so much that God has called us to this process, and that while this does not necessarily mean things will turn out how we might expect or wish them to, we have peace that we are following His plan and that He will use whatever happens for good. Even if these precious children are never to be ours, they will have been loved and named and longed for. I guess I am feeling the need to remind myself of this, as there has been so much talk lately about immigration problems on the Congo side of things, increasing violence in the eastern side where our babies are, and the upcoming election next year with rumors of the UN pulling out of Congo. I honestly don't have any more info about all that than what I've just posted. I don't know what is true, false or hype. I just know that I feel fear creeping in, which brings the temptation to harden my heart. But fear is not of God, and it certainly isn't what I've been called to do. And so I will look at the pictures of the babies I hope will be ours, and love them and pray for them and plan for the day when they will be here. And in case you want to do the same, here are some little faces to look at while you pray...

Waiting

First off, no, this is not a post about all of the waiting required in the adoption process. But who knows? You may get one of those from me in due time. Right now we are scurrying about too much to feel like we are actually waiting.

But I'll get back to the subject of this post...

I can tend to get so frustrated with myself for not being better than I am. I have this idea of who I want to be, but in actuality I am someone far different. If I could only be the facebook version of myself ... that wittier, funnier, more upbeat person, with all the bad pictures removed. I want my life to just be the highlights, or the moments when I'm really doing it well. The days I cook from scratch, or search the Fred Meyer parking lot until I find the car cart for my daughter to ride in while I get super good deals on all that organic produce. I want to be the girl who actually does her hair instead of putting it up in a ponytail yet again, or the person who actually likes to exercise (it's not just a myth - there really are those of you out there, right??) On a deeper level, I want to be a woman who communes with God daily, who dwells in peace because she truly gets it when God talks about trusting in Him. I want to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient ... all of the fruits of the Spirit. More than anything, I want to be someone to whom God says, "Well done, good and faithful daughter."

Most days, I feel like I flat out Fail. And I can get discouraged thinking that I should know better by now, or that I've already had enough chances to get it right. And this is only the stuff I know about. Thank heavens that God only reveals our sinful natures to us one layer at a time. I think I'd throw in the towel if I could see the whole of it. I've mulled this over for the past - oh, I don't know - 15 years, probably. But yesterday at church I heard, "Wait." (In all honesty, I've probably heard it before - at least once in 15 years, I'd imagine!) However, this time I think it might have actually sunk in.

Growth is slow. Remain in Him. Wait.

Am I really able to remain in Him, even with all this crud ... all this selfishness, laziness, pettiness, sinfulness? To my surprise, I am certain that the answer is a resounding YES! In fact, it's the only thing I really CAN do. So I am praying for something different now. Instead of the ability for me to just get my act together already, I am praying that God will help me to remain in Him. To stay with Him, even when my failures make me want to hide and hang my head in shame. To keep coming back, even before I get it right because goodness knows, that method's not working for me. To wait for Him to do His work in His timing. The cool thing is (and, yes, I know the word "cool" is not actually cool anymore) when I look back 5 years or so, I can see growth. I see how I have become more like Jesus. Maybe I'm like a juniper tree - those babies grow really slowly - but I am growing nevertheless. Thank God. And just so you know, once it's established, the juniper tree is pretty resilient and can handle things like freezing temperatures, high winds and even fires.

John 15:1-4 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

To Be Real

It has been different trying to write new posts now that I've made this blog's existence known. I have started a couple, then discarded them, feeling they were too revealing. When I first began this blog, not really planning on telling people it was here, it was easy for me to just write about whatever I was thinking. Now? Not so much. This is intersting and unexpected for me, as I've always thought of myself as an "open book" kind of person. I also have been unsure how much about these twins I want to reveal on a public board. While I want to talk about them, I also want to respect their privacy. It feels somewhat exploitive to talk too much about their specific lives at this point. I've been trying to put myself in their adolescent shoes, wondering what I'd be okay with in that situation, and what I wouldn't be okay with. So, please excuse me while I process this and try to get my new blogger hat on straight.

In the meantime, I do have updates to share. After switching to a different agency to complete our homestudy, things are moving along nicely. Fingerprints are being processed, we are just about done with the required paperwork, and the home visit is this next weekend. (By the way, this is another reason I have not been writing here as much lately. I've been writing a novel about myself - 9 pages!! - instead.) We have named the babies, as they had not been named yet, and names were needed to process paperwork. They are also required by DRC government to have a Congolese name, so we chose Swahili names for them as well. We had been expecting to have their given names be their middle names, but since they'd just been given the nick-names of Cito and Cikkuru, which mean "first born" and "second born" (which I've recently found out is pretty customary for twins in Congo) we did our best as American parents to give them good Congolese middle names. So, their names are Lauren Adia and Noah Kito. Adia (ah DEE uh) means "gift from God" and Kito (KEE toh) means "jewel, or precious child." It looks like they will be transferred to foster care anytime now, and I am very happy with the foster situation that has been worked out for them. We have been told that if eveything goes according to plan, we might be able to travel sometime in the August to October range. Thanks for reading and caring about these babies. The support we've received has been overwhelming. Please pray that God will continue to care for these precious little ones, and for all the other children of Congo.

An Update

I guess I should probably give an update on what's going on with our adoption. First off, here's a picture of the cutie-pies we are praying and hoping and working to bring home. They are 12 month old twins, a boy and a girl. At this time, we have not heard what their names are, or which one is the boy and which is the girl. I definitely have my own opinion about which is which, but would like some confirmation!

We were incredibly surprised on March 1st, to get a call from OFA asking if we'd be interested in these little ones! Zach stepped out in the middle of church to take the phone call, as he was on call for his work that week. He gave me a funny look when I came out after the service and told me there were twin 12 month-olds that were available and would we be interested? Needless to say, I was pretty shocked as we hadn't even began our home study! The next day, we said YES!! we are interested, and in not too long, we were staring at this beautiful picture. The orphanage is a new one to OFA, and as such, we are their trial run. And while all adoptions can be unpredictable, it is even more so in the DRC, and downright risky in this new orphanage. An email was quickly shot off to Congo with our autobiographies, family picture, and a reference from our pastor. And after the orphanage and a pastor (who had brought the babies to the orphanage) reviewed our papers, it was decided we'd be a good match for the babies.

We have heard from our adoption lawyer that they are hopefully going to be placed with a foster family this weekend. The orphanage is extremely lacking in both food and in enough caregivers to give adequate attention to all the children living there, and we are praying that the transfer is able to happen quickly. Right now we are waiting to hear back from our homestudy place on whether or not we can get going on that. It's been a bit frustrating trying to get this process started. Hopefully we can get something scheduled this week. In the meantime, we have been getting our dossier together and, minus the home study, have just about completed it. If everything goes well, we have been told to expect to travel to DRC to pick them up sometime in the August to October range. I can't believe it could be so soon!! Please continue to keep them in your prayers. We love them already.

The Babies in Africa

Our hands reach for the latest trends
His hands reach for food that's not there.
We fill our desires for shiny baubles
While the babies in Africa die.

We hunt for just the right size, color, cut
She hunts for a morsel of food to feed her starving child.
We pull out our cash and feel pleased
While the babies in Africa die.

We risk taking out that home loan
She risks rape for food to keep her child alive just one more day.
We strive to move up in this world
While the babies in Africa die.

We pump up our lips with collagen
His cheeks cave in with starvation.
We look in the mirror and (almost) smile
While the babies in Africa die.

Can you see their frailness?
Can you hear their cries?
Why are we sleepwalking - sleepliving
While the babies in Africa die?

Adoption

After dreaming of adoption since my sophomore year in high school, Zach and I began the process of adoption through Oregon's foster system in the Spring of 2009. We took our time filling out the application, finally getting it sent in at the beginning of January. At this time, we hadn't even been considering international adoption.

Recently, we have become aware of what has been happening in the Congo these past years. Our church does a lot of work there, and we have grown to care about the people who live in the Congo. When the earthquake happened in Haiti, we (like so many other people, I am sure) wished that we could adopt an orphan from Haiti. We quickly realized that it wasn't possible. Not only is their government completely unable to process adoptions presently, but we don't even meet the age requirements. This started us thinking about international adoptions, and it didn't take us long to realize that while, yes, there is massive devastation in Haiti, they are not the only ones in the world who are suffering. And while they have lost around 200,000 people, the Congo has lost 5.4 million and there are so many children who desperately need homes in order to survive. In fact, there are 5 million children who've been orphaned due to all of the unrest.

A few weeks ago, I was reading a World Relief Next blog by Matt Smith about the Congo, and felt a deep longing to help the children of this country. I called Zach saying, "This is going to sound crazy, but I really think we should adopt from the Congo." You can imagine my surprise when he replied, "Well, I was on a web page last night about Congo adoptions, and I've already sent them an e-mail requesting information." And so here we are! A wonderful organization called Our Family Adoptions (which operates completely through volunteers!) is helping us with our adoption. On their web page is an answer to the question of why one should adopt from the Congo when there are children in our own country needing homes, and the answer that was given is really what solidified our decision to go this route. It answered, "While adoptable children in the US might not have families, they will still get food and care. The children in DRC are dying."

So that is the beginning of our adoption journey. If you would like more information about the Congo, both of these websites are loaded with information.

http://www.ourfamilyadoptions.org/
www.worldreliefnext.org/learn/congo.php