Waiting

First off, no, this is not a post about all of the waiting required in the adoption process. But who knows? You may get one of those from me in due time. Right now we are scurrying about too much to feel like we are actually waiting.

But I'll get back to the subject of this post...

I can tend to get so frustrated with myself for not being better than I am. I have this idea of who I want to be, but in actuality I am someone far different. If I could only be the facebook version of myself ... that wittier, funnier, more upbeat person, with all the bad pictures removed. I want my life to just be the highlights, or the moments when I'm really doing it well. The days I cook from scratch, or search the Fred Meyer parking lot until I find the car cart for my daughter to ride in while I get super good deals on all that organic produce. I want to be the girl who actually does her hair instead of putting it up in a ponytail yet again, or the person who actually likes to exercise (it's not just a myth - there really are those of you out there, right??) On a deeper level, I want to be a woman who communes with God daily, who dwells in peace because she truly gets it when God talks about trusting in Him. I want to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient ... all of the fruits of the Spirit. More than anything, I want to be someone to whom God says, "Well done, good and faithful daughter."

Most days, I feel like I flat out Fail. And I can get discouraged thinking that I should know better by now, or that I've already had enough chances to get it right. And this is only the stuff I know about. Thank heavens that God only reveals our sinful natures to us one layer at a time. I think I'd throw in the towel if I could see the whole of it. I've mulled this over for the past - oh, I don't know - 15 years, probably. But yesterday at church I heard, "Wait." (In all honesty, I've probably heard it before - at least once in 15 years, I'd imagine!) However, this time I think it might have actually sunk in.

Growth is slow. Remain in Him. Wait.

Am I really able to remain in Him, even with all this crud ... all this selfishness, laziness, pettiness, sinfulness? To my surprise, I am certain that the answer is a resounding YES! In fact, it's the only thing I really CAN do. So I am praying for something different now. Instead of the ability for me to just get my act together already, I am praying that God will help me to remain in Him. To stay with Him, even when my failures make me want to hide and hang my head in shame. To keep coming back, even before I get it right because goodness knows, that method's not working for me. To wait for Him to do His work in His timing. The cool thing is (and, yes, I know the word "cool" is not actually cool anymore) when I look back 5 years or so, I can see growth. I see how I have become more like Jesus. Maybe I'm like a juniper tree - those babies grow really slowly - but I am growing nevertheless. Thank God. And just so you know, once it's established, the juniper tree is pretty resilient and can handle things like freezing temperatures, high winds and even fires.

John 15:1-4 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

To Be Real

It has been different trying to write new posts now that I've made this blog's existence known. I have started a couple, then discarded them, feeling they were too revealing. When I first began this blog, not really planning on telling people it was here, it was easy for me to just write about whatever I was thinking. Now? Not so much. This is intersting and unexpected for me, as I've always thought of myself as an "open book" kind of person. I also have been unsure how much about these twins I want to reveal on a public board. While I want to talk about them, I also want to respect their privacy. It feels somewhat exploitive to talk too much about their specific lives at this point. I've been trying to put myself in their adolescent shoes, wondering what I'd be okay with in that situation, and what I wouldn't be okay with. So, please excuse me while I process this and try to get my new blogger hat on straight.

In the meantime, I do have updates to share. After switching to a different agency to complete our homestudy, things are moving along nicely. Fingerprints are being processed, we are just about done with the required paperwork, and the home visit is this next weekend. (By the way, this is another reason I have not been writing here as much lately. I've been writing a novel about myself - 9 pages!! - instead.) We have named the babies, as they had not been named yet, and names were needed to process paperwork. They are also required by DRC government to have a Congolese name, so we chose Swahili names for them as well. We had been expecting to have their given names be their middle names, but since they'd just been given the nick-names of Cito and Cikkuru, which mean "first born" and "second born" (which I've recently found out is pretty customary for twins in Congo) we did our best as American parents to give them good Congolese middle names. So, their names are Lauren Adia and Noah Kito. Adia (ah DEE uh) means "gift from God" and Kito (KEE toh) means "jewel, or precious child." It looks like they will be transferred to foster care anytime now, and I am very happy with the foster situation that has been worked out for them. We have been told that if eveything goes according to plan, we might be able to travel sometime in the August to October range. Thanks for reading and caring about these babies. The support we've received has been overwhelming. Please pray that God will continue to care for these precious little ones, and for all the other children of Congo.

An Update

I guess I should probably give an update on what's going on with our adoption. First off, here's a picture of the cutie-pies we are praying and hoping and working to bring home. They are 12 month old twins, a boy and a girl. At this time, we have not heard what their names are, or which one is the boy and which is the girl. I definitely have my own opinion about which is which, but would like some confirmation!

We were incredibly surprised on March 1st, to get a call from OFA asking if we'd be interested in these little ones! Zach stepped out in the middle of church to take the phone call, as he was on call for his work that week. He gave me a funny look when I came out after the service and told me there were twin 12 month-olds that were available and would we be interested? Needless to say, I was pretty shocked as we hadn't even began our home study! The next day, we said YES!! we are interested, and in not too long, we were staring at this beautiful picture. The orphanage is a new one to OFA, and as such, we are their trial run. And while all adoptions can be unpredictable, it is even more so in the DRC, and downright risky in this new orphanage. An email was quickly shot off to Congo with our autobiographies, family picture, and a reference from our pastor. And after the orphanage and a pastor (who had brought the babies to the orphanage) reviewed our papers, it was decided we'd be a good match for the babies.

We have heard from our adoption lawyer that they are hopefully going to be placed with a foster family this weekend. The orphanage is extremely lacking in both food and in enough caregivers to give adequate attention to all the children living there, and we are praying that the transfer is able to happen quickly. Right now we are waiting to hear back from our homestudy place on whether or not we can get going on that. It's been a bit frustrating trying to get this process started. Hopefully we can get something scheduled this week. In the meantime, we have been getting our dossier together and, minus the home study, have just about completed it. If everything goes well, we have been told to expect to travel to DRC to pick them up sometime in the August to October range. I can't believe it could be so soon!! Please continue to keep them in your prayers. We love them already.

The Babies in Africa

Our hands reach for the latest trends
His hands reach for food that's not there.
We fill our desires for shiny baubles
While the babies in Africa die.

We hunt for just the right size, color, cut
She hunts for a morsel of food to feed her starving child.
We pull out our cash and feel pleased
While the babies in Africa die.

We risk taking out that home loan
She risks rape for food to keep her child alive just one more day.
We strive to move up in this world
While the babies in Africa die.

We pump up our lips with collagen
His cheeks cave in with starvation.
We look in the mirror and (almost) smile
While the babies in Africa die.

Can you see their frailness?
Can you hear their cries?
Why are we sleepwalking - sleepliving
While the babies in Africa die?

Adoption

After dreaming of adoption since my sophomore year in high school, Zach and I began the process of adoption through Oregon's foster system in the Spring of 2009. We took our time filling out the application, finally getting it sent in at the beginning of January. At this time, we hadn't even been considering international adoption.

Recently, we have become aware of what has been happening in the Congo these past years. Our church does a lot of work there, and we have grown to care about the people who live in the Congo. When the earthquake happened in Haiti, we (like so many other people, I am sure) wished that we could adopt an orphan from Haiti. We quickly realized that it wasn't possible. Not only is their government completely unable to process adoptions presently, but we don't even meet the age requirements. This started us thinking about international adoptions, and it didn't take us long to realize that while, yes, there is massive devastation in Haiti, they are not the only ones in the world who are suffering. And while they have lost around 200,000 people, the Congo has lost 5.4 million and there are so many children who desperately need homes in order to survive. In fact, there are 5 million children who've been orphaned due to all of the unrest.

A few weeks ago, I was reading a World Relief Next blog by Matt Smith about the Congo, and felt a deep longing to help the children of this country. I called Zach saying, "This is going to sound crazy, but I really think we should adopt from the Congo." You can imagine my surprise when he replied, "Well, I was on a web page last night about Congo adoptions, and I've already sent them an e-mail requesting information." And so here we are! A wonderful organization called Our Family Adoptions (which operates completely through volunteers!) is helping us with our adoption. On their web page is an answer to the question of why one should adopt from the Congo when there are children in our own country needing homes, and the answer that was given is really what solidified our decision to go this route. It answered, "While adoptable children in the US might not have families, they will still get food and care. The children in DRC are dying."

So that is the beginning of our adoption journey. If you would like more information about the Congo, both of these websites are loaded with information.

http://www.ourfamilyadoptions.org/
www.worldreliefnext.org/learn/congo.php