To Be Real

It has been different trying to write new posts now that I've made this blog's existence known. I have started a couple, then discarded them, feeling they were too revealing. When I first began this blog, not really planning on telling people it was here, it was easy for me to just write about whatever I was thinking. Now? Not so much. This is intersting and unexpected for me, as I've always thought of myself as an "open book" kind of person. I also have been unsure how much about these twins I want to reveal on a public board. While I want to talk about them, I also want to respect their privacy. It feels somewhat exploitive to talk too much about their specific lives at this point. I've been trying to put myself in their adolescent shoes, wondering what I'd be okay with in that situation, and what I wouldn't be okay with. So, please excuse me while I process this and try to get my new blogger hat on straight.

In the meantime, I do have updates to share. After switching to a different agency to complete our homestudy, things are moving along nicely. Fingerprints are being processed, we are just about done with the required paperwork, and the home visit is this next weekend. (By the way, this is another reason I have not been writing here as much lately. I've been writing a novel about myself - 9 pages!! - instead.) We have named the babies, as they had not been named yet, and names were needed to process paperwork. They are also required by DRC government to have a Congolese name, so we chose Swahili names for them as well. We had been expecting to have their given names be their middle names, but since they'd just been given the nick-names of Cito and Cikkuru, which mean "first born" and "second born" (which I've recently found out is pretty customary for twins in Congo) we did our best as American parents to give them good Congolese middle names. So, their names are Lauren Adia and Noah Kito. Adia (ah DEE uh) means "gift from God" and Kito (KEE toh) means "jewel, or precious child." It looks like they will be transferred to foster care anytime now, and I am very happy with the foster situation that has been worked out for them. We have been told that if eveything goes according to plan, we might be able to travel sometime in the August to October range. Thanks for reading and caring about these babies. The support we've received has been overwhelming. Please pray that God will continue to care for these precious little ones, and for all the other children of Congo.

An Update

I guess I should probably give an update on what's going on with our adoption. First off, here's a picture of the cutie-pies we are praying and hoping and working to bring home. They are 12 month old twins, a boy and a girl. At this time, we have not heard what their names are, or which one is the boy and which is the girl. I definitely have my own opinion about which is which, but would like some confirmation!

We were incredibly surprised on March 1st, to get a call from OFA asking if we'd be interested in these little ones! Zach stepped out in the middle of church to take the phone call, as he was on call for his work that week. He gave me a funny look when I came out after the service and told me there were twin 12 month-olds that were available and would we be interested? Needless to say, I was pretty shocked as we hadn't even began our home study! The next day, we said YES!! we are interested, and in not too long, we were staring at this beautiful picture. The orphanage is a new one to OFA, and as such, we are their trial run. And while all adoptions can be unpredictable, it is even more so in the DRC, and downright risky in this new orphanage. An email was quickly shot off to Congo with our autobiographies, family picture, and a reference from our pastor. And after the orphanage and a pastor (who had brought the babies to the orphanage) reviewed our papers, it was decided we'd be a good match for the babies.

We have heard from our adoption lawyer that they are hopefully going to be placed with a foster family this weekend. The orphanage is extremely lacking in both food and in enough caregivers to give adequate attention to all the children living there, and we are praying that the transfer is able to happen quickly. Right now we are waiting to hear back from our homestudy place on whether or not we can get going on that. It's been a bit frustrating trying to get this process started. Hopefully we can get something scheduled this week. In the meantime, we have been getting our dossier together and, minus the home study, have just about completed it. If everything goes well, we have been told to expect to travel to DRC to pick them up sometime in the August to October range. I can't believe it could be so soon!! Please continue to keep them in your prayers. We love them already.

The Babies in Africa

Our hands reach for the latest trends
His hands reach for food that's not there.
We fill our desires for shiny baubles
While the babies in Africa die.

We hunt for just the right size, color, cut
She hunts for a morsel of food to feed her starving child.
We pull out our cash and feel pleased
While the babies in Africa die.

We risk taking out that home loan
She risks rape for food to keep her child alive just one more day.
We strive to move up in this world
While the babies in Africa die.

We pump up our lips with collagen
His cheeks cave in with starvation.
We look in the mirror and (almost) smile
While the babies in Africa die.

Can you see their frailness?
Can you hear their cries?
Why are we sleepwalking - sleepliving
While the babies in Africa die?

Adoption

After dreaming of adoption since my sophomore year in high school, Zach and I began the process of adoption through Oregon's foster system in the Spring of 2009. We took our time filling out the application, finally getting it sent in at the beginning of January. At this time, we hadn't even been considering international adoption.

Recently, we have become aware of what has been happening in the Congo these past years. Our church does a lot of work there, and we have grown to care about the people who live in the Congo. When the earthquake happened in Haiti, we (like so many other people, I am sure) wished that we could adopt an orphan from Haiti. We quickly realized that it wasn't possible. Not only is their government completely unable to process adoptions presently, but we don't even meet the age requirements. This started us thinking about international adoptions, and it didn't take us long to realize that while, yes, there is massive devastation in Haiti, they are not the only ones in the world who are suffering. And while they have lost around 200,000 people, the Congo has lost 5.4 million and there are so many children who desperately need homes in order to survive. In fact, there are 5 million children who've been orphaned due to all of the unrest.

A few weeks ago, I was reading a World Relief Next blog by Matt Smith about the Congo, and felt a deep longing to help the children of this country. I called Zach saying, "This is going to sound crazy, but I really think we should adopt from the Congo." You can imagine my surprise when he replied, "Well, I was on a web page last night about Congo adoptions, and I've already sent them an e-mail requesting information." And so here we are! A wonderful organization called Our Family Adoptions (which operates completely through volunteers!) is helping us with our adoption. On their web page is an answer to the question of why one should adopt from the Congo when there are children in our own country needing homes, and the answer that was given is really what solidified our decision to go this route. It answered, "While adoptable children in the US might not have families, they will still get food and care. The children in DRC are dying."

So that is the beginning of our adoption journey. If you would like more information about the Congo, both of these websites are loaded with information.

http://www.ourfamilyadoptions.org/
www.worldreliefnext.org/learn/congo.php

Something New

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

Well, I thought I had something to say. This verse has been spinning around in my head for a couple of months now. Apparently I need to think about it some more before I wax eloquent. I'll be back...

EDITED TO ADD: Sorry for being weird, but I just don't know how to explain what I am thinking and feeling about this verse right now. It feels like my life, but it's too abstract for me to share.

Much

This past year I've been constantly reminded of that verse in the Bible that says to whom much has been given, much will be expected. It's uncomfortable to think about. Yet it's a phrase that seems to have taken up permanent residence in my head. With all the recent focus on Haiti, it has become blatantly obvious that I am in the "much" category. It's easy to compare myself to others in my community and I can notice my cheaper clothing, my lack of this, my modest that... It's very easy to see those with more. But then I turn around ... I look the other way. I am overwhelmed by how much I have. What am I to do with this? I start to hate the feeling of conviction without direction. (But that probably points right back to the fact that I don't like to be uncomfortable.) Jesus said to leave it all and come follow him. I'm not quite sure how to do that. In the meantime, I can choose where I am looking - enough with Hollywood's "best dressed" list already! I can look at the faces and start to truly love "the least of these." I can hold my possessions with open hands and be more willing to share. I can pray for a heart that actually means it when I say "Lord, this house, this car, my energy, my time, my money is yours. Use it however you see fit." And I can prepare my heart to be alert and obedient whenever he does say "come follow me ... and this is how I want you to do it."

My Pseudo Life

One thing about myself, that I really dislike, is my tendency to feel satisfied with fake living. Reading about fitness, but not actually exercising ... watching fake t.v. characters developing great friendships, but not putting in the effort myself ... looking at cookbooks for entertainment, then not having anything prepared for dinner. I could go on and on, but I'm feeling transparent enough as it is.

Thinking, planning, reading, making lists. These become worthless, even damaging, when they satisfy the need without first spurring one on to action. It's like eating junk food - your hunger is satisfied, but your body still lacks nutrients - the good things that nourish life and bring about health. I struggle with this often, but on the other hand, also have a desperate need to take stock of my life and assess whether I'm living the life I'm really meant to live. I've never really craved another's life, but rather, am envious of the person who I see truly living her life - being who God made her to be. I want to be Fully Alive.

In praying about this, I've realized two things that keep me from being fully alive: my pseudo life (which is the subject of this post) and one other thing (which I've been aware of and fought against for some time, and which I feel no further need to process, therefore blog about.) But as far as this pseudo life thing goes, it's time to get rid of it and feel the real lack in my life, then face it head on. So goodbye hulu, and all the rest. You've been fun, but not really. Time to do something real.